The New Harvester
by Seaweed Soap
Summary: Lady Edith gets to see Sir Anthony's new harvester up close. Chapter 3 is in response to the "Talk Dirty to Me" prompts that are floating around.
1. Chapter 1

**I have no idea where this came from, but the idea popped into my head while I was driving to work. It's a bit smutty, but it's meant to be that way! Enjoy and please review!**

The New Harvester

or…what really happened after the Bellini, Puccini, and Rossini,

"That was simply wonderful, Sir Anthony," Lady Edith gushed, "I don't know when I've enjoyed myself more." The evening was fine, and the top was still down on Sir Anthony's open Rolls Royce. Lady Edith was very impressed with

her evening with Sir Anthony. He was most considerate of her, taking her arm to help her down the aisle, and once during a particularly stirring Puccini overture, she grasped his arm, and didn't let go for quite a while.

"Did you? Did you really? Well, fancy that." Sir Anthony sputtered as he drove her from the Jarvis's towards home. "I say, you wouldn't want to come see my harvester, would you? I know it's a bit dark, but I daresay we could find a light, what!" Sir Anthony had quickly seen the light with Lady Mary, not his style at all, too uppity, too self-possessed. But Edith, Gawd! Now there was a woman. With any luck, Sir Anthony would get to put his harvester to good use.

"Oh, well, yes! That would be delightful. I did ask if you would show me one of the harvesters, and now I'm going to get to see yours! Is it very big?" she asked looking keenly interested. In fact, that was one of the things he liked about Lady Edith, she was so very interested in what he had to say.

"Oh, I should say so! Largest in the district," he paused, "Or so I'm told." He winked at her. _Ah, yes. He had her now. He could hardly wait. Dark barn, fumbling hands, smooth skin._

Lady Edith was fairly quivering with excitement as Sir Anthony drove up to dark barn in the middle of one of his fields.

Lady Edith looked a bit confused. "Is..is the harvester here? This is too small, surely?"

"No, no," Sir Anthony reassured her, "It's right inside. I'll just get a light."

Edith stood uncertainly by the car, while Sir Anthony disappeared inside the barn. She heard a great deal of banging and cursing (_Blasted pitchfork!)_ before Sir Anthony appeared in the doorway holding the smallest lantern she had ever seen.

"Now then, my dear, would you care to follow me?" Sir Anthony walked around the car, and held the lantern out in front of Edith.

"Oh, well…yes, if you're sure?" Edith asked. "I don't want to be a bother!"

"Not at all, my dear, not at all…" He stopped. "May I?" He asked as he took her hand. _Here we go…_

"Why yes, of course." Edith placed her hand in Sir Anthony's outstretched one. He led her across the pasture and into the barn where…

He promptly 'tripped' over the handle of the pitchfork, pulling Edith down with him into a large pile of hay. Oddly enough, _as Edith thought later, but by then it was too late_, she ended up on the bottom.

"Oh, Sir Anthony! Have you hurt yourself?" Edith began before she realized that he was on top of her, kissing her neck. "OH! SIR ANTHONY! Please, I…you…_(he reached her lips)_…um…ah…harves…barn."

To shut her up, Sir Anthony was forced to stick his tongue halfway down her throat. Where, he was shocked to find, the tables were turned.

Lady Edith, grabbed his upper arms and rolled him over.

"Now, Sir Anthony, let's see that 'harvester' of yours, eh?" She unbuttoned his shirt, pulled off his tie, and thrust her hands (_when had she taken off her gloves?) _into his open shirt immediately finding and then fondling his nipples.

"I say," he began indignantly, "shouldn't I be doing that?"

"Well,"Lady Edith replied, "I should think you can fondle your own nipples at any time - _**I**_ would think that you should be wanting to fondle mine." She hiked her skirt up so that she could more comfortably pin him down, then leaned down to _(devour)_ kiss him. Sir Anthony was flabbergasted. He was supposed to be taking advantage of her, and here he was, in his own barn, being bullied by this slip of an upstart girl!

Not to be outdone, Sir Anthony bent his leg, grabbed Lady Edith by her upper arms (_pinned you, didn't I)_, and rolled her over. His next move was to have a go at the long _(endless) _line of buttons that graced the front of Lady Edith's dress. "Oh good GOD!" Sir Anthony wailed. Edith realizing that the poor man must have some help, demurely began to help him undo the buttons. She could see the lust in his eyes, and he was barely able to wait for her to push the dress off her shoulders before he dived into the creamy skin poking out from the top of her corset. With a bit of fumbling, he managed to free her breasts.

"Oh Lady Edith, your…your…" He didn't get to finish before Edith slammed him over onto his back. "Now then." she said. "I came here to see a harvester, and I'm not leaving until I see one, and see it put to good use!"

She tugged at his belt and then at the profusion of buttons that made up his fly. As hard as he was, Sir Anthony was willing to watch her fumble for just a bit before he helped her (_sauce for the goose, you know_). Finally, after a great deal of fumbling. Sir Anthony's harvester leaped from its barn.

"Oh my Sir Anthony," Lady Edith cooed, taking a good look at Sir Anthony's equipment, "What a magnificent piece of machinery!" She reached her hand out to stroke it, oohing and aahing over it's length and asking questions about it's power."

"How long can this go for before it needs refueled?" She asked stroking him harder.

"Ah well, generally it can go for 15 to 20 minutes before stopping." he replied, one hand on her breasts, the other releasing her garters, freeing her.

"When do I get to use it?" Edith asked coyly. Barely were the words out of her mouth before Sir Anthony once again rolled her onto her back. He used his legs to spread hers apart, rose above her, and said, "Now dear lady." He slid into her and began to put the harvester through its paces. Lady Edith clearly enjoyed having her row furrowed, she wrapped her legs around him and encouraged him to "Put it into high gear, Sir Anthony!" Sir Anthony, always the gentleman (_well, nearly always_) obliged her and gave his harvester the best workout it had had in ages.

Amazingly they reached the end of the row at the same time, Sir Anthony in high gear, Lady Edith reaping what she sowed; they cried out together, and Sir Anthony collapsed on top of her.

"Oh my dear, that was wonderful." Sir Anthony said. "What a workout for the old harvester!"

"Oh, I don't know if I would call it old," Lady Edith replied, stroking his back, "I think 'broken in' is a better term." She sat up. "Now you must help me with my clothes. Mama will be so worried if I am not back soon!"

"If I may," asked Sir Anthony, "It is most unusual to find a high born lady, with um, your talent for harvesters."

Lady Edith laughed, "Oh, I have been working with farm equipment for some time now."

"Really?" SIr Anthony asked, looking intrigued.

"Oh yes," Edith replied. "I simply won't allow myself to be outdone by that slut, Mary!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - A Prize Pair of Bullocks

Later the next day…

"Sir Anthony Strallen."

The family were all taking tea in the drawing room when Carson announced the arrival of Sir Anthony.

Lady Edith's head shot up from where she was contemplating the depths of her tea, to see her lover stride into the room.

"Ah, Lady Grantham, Lord Grantham, please forgive my barging in this way, but I was just passing and thought I'd call in to let Lady Edith know how much I enjoyed our evening."

"Sir Anthony, won't you stay and have tea?" Lady Grantham stood, offering him a seat on the settee next to Edith. Lady Mary looked quite relieved that he wasn't offered the seat next to her, but a bit miffed that Sir Anthony seemed to prefer Edith.

"Why how kind of you. I would be delighted." Sir Anthony strode across the room and sat gingerly next to Lady Edith, who finally managed to tear her gaze from his face, and say,

"Thank you, Sir Anthony. I quite enjoyed the evening as well." She smiled coquettishly at him, ignoring Mary's look of disgust. "How did you find your harvester this morning?"

Sir Anthony, choked on the sip of tea he was drinking, apologized, and said, "Oh, very well! it was off and ready to go at first light."

"Harvester?" asked Lord Grantham? "You got to see Sir Anthony's harvester? Last night? In the dark?"

"Oh, well, we had a light, and it's so big that it was difficult to miss, Papa." Edith turned to Sir Anthony, "I was quite surprised at how smooth a ride it was."

"Yes," mused Sir Anthony, "All part of keeping your equipment well-oiled and well-used."

"You _rode_ Sir Anthony's harvester? After the concert?" Lord Grantham was having a difficult time coming to grips with his rather plain middle daughter cavorting around in the dark on a piece of farm machinery with a man as old as he was!

"Really, Papa, you make it sound as if we did something indecent. I just took a ride on Sir Anthony's harvester. I'd so been longing to see it, and as we were passing, and Sir Anthony suggested it, it seemed like the perfect opportunity."

Sybil piped up then with, "I think it sounds simply marvelous, Sir Anthony. How far did you go?"

Sir Anthony coughed again, "Well, we went…ahem… all the way.. to the end of the row. Once Lady Edith opened the barn door, there was no stopping it!."

"Does it go very fast?" Sybil asked Edith.

"Oh, no, it went a very adequate speed I thought, slow at times, but it sped up in the end."

Mary sat politely ignoring all of them. _Really, _she thought_, who'd make such a fuss over silly farm implements..._

"I see, well, this is all very interesting, " Lord Grantham began.

"Yes, yes," began Sir Anthony, "I was wondering if I might lure Lady Edith out again this afternoon?

"Oh, oh really! I think that would be marvelous!" replied Lady Edith looking decidedly eager.

"Hmm..yes, I have a pair of prize-winning bullocks that I wanted to show her. I thought we could take the harvester into the far paddock and check them out."

"Oh, Papa, may I go and see Sir Anthony's pair of bullocks?" Edith looked to her father eagerly.

Lord Grantham sighed, looked at Cora, and said, "I don't see why not." He shot a hard look at Mary who mumbled something about not getting her out in a muddy field to look at bullocks.

Sir Anthony offered Edith his arm. As they walked out of the room, Lady Edith could be heard to say, "Now Sir Anthony, tell me about your bullocks? Are they quite big?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sir Anthony was making a very determined assault on her neck as they sat on a blanket under a beech tree. The two of them had left Downton on a mission to observer Anthony's bullocks, and after a cursory glance at two very magnificent specimens of highland cattle (_"I really did see some bullocks, didn't I?")_, the two of them had moved away from prying eyes to a blanket under the tree.

Before assaulting her jawline, he had taken her breath away with a very passionate kiss, made even better since she had been able to savor the feel of his lips on hers without the frantic acrobatics that had accompanied their previous encounter.

_He really is quite good at this_, Edith mused as Sir Anthony moved from her swollen lips to her jawline, one hand at her waist, the other curled in the hair at the back of her neck.

"Oh, Sir Anthony," Edith moaned as his tongue traced the contours oh her neck. "I'm beginning to feel quite wanton!"

Sir Anthony was also beginning to feel quite wanton, _Gawd, quite the little minx aren't you, _ and was beginning to ponder whether he was going to go to the trouble to get her out of her corset, when Edith stopped him in his tracks.

"Talk dirty to me," she purred in his ear.

Sir Anthony froze, one hand halfway from her waist to her breast, lips at the little hollow at the base of her throat.

"What did you say?" His voice was equal parts disbelief and downright terror.

"I said, _talk dirty to me." _She brought his hand to her breast and arched into him.

His hand closed around her breast, and he attempted to distract her by leaning in to kiss her again. She placed her hand to his lips, surprised by the look of terror in his eyes.

"You didn't seem to have any trouble last night," Edith began, "in the barn. Remember?"

Oh yes, Sir Anthony remembered all right. Never had he spent a more enjoyable time in one of his outbuildings, but he hadn't actually spoken much during the act.

"But, that was different," he pleaded, "not quite the same at all! It was dark, and ah, you were, ahem, so a…(_violent)_ active. Besides, it's not at all done for a gentleman to speak to a lady that way!" There, that should satisfy her, except…

She snorted in a most unladylike manner. "I'm not sure your motives or actions last night were that of a gentleman!" She stoked his face. "I so enjoyed talking about your _harvester_, that I thought we might, well, continue."

Relief flooded Sir Anthony, as he believed that he grasped her meaning. "Ah, yes, well," her hand was moving lower, closing on the aforementioned harvester, "I believe I, ah…"

"I'm sure you're _up_ to the task," she cooed as she ran her fingers over the fabric of his trousers."

Anthony was definitely getting up to something, and realizing he was going to have to indulge Edith if he wished to continue, he gracefully admitted defeat.

"Very well," he sighed, I shall endeavor to perform to your expectations."

"Oh, I have no doubt about your ability to perform." Edith pulled his face closer and kissed him fully, deeply. Then, pushing him away, she said, "Go on then."

Anthony began to fumble with the buttons of her blouse, hands brushing her breasts, and as he pushed the fabric aside, he was pleasantly surprised to find her breasts encased by one of the new-style brassieres.

"Oh, Lady Edith!" He remarked as his hands cupped the fabric, thumb skimming over her nipples. "Your corset is gone!" He moved his head down so he could nuzzle the fabric.

"I thought you might like this a bit better," she responded, hands on his shoulders. "Talk to me, Anthony," she moaned as he nipped gently at a protruding nipple.

At once, Anthony felt the terror return, as he struggled to find the words to describe what he was seeing. "Your, ah, breasts, are like…" here he paused. _Mounds of dough? _Unbidden, images of the Mrs. Patmore filled his head. _No, that would not do at all. Ripe apples? _Frantically he searched for just the right words to describe her form. "The Himalayas!" He shouted against her. Edith stifled a giggle.

"The Himalayas?" she asked, helping him to undo the eyelets.

"Yes, the Himalayas," he gasped as her breasts came free. He pushed her back onto the blanket and peppered her with kisses. "The Himalayas, tall and strong, and rising proudly from the Indian plains." He kissed the underside of each breast, tongue tracing lazy circles on her skin. "Their majestic peaks waiting to be conquered," he began kissing up and down the sides of her right peak as his hand cupped the left, "and I am an intrepid explorer," _this wasn't so bad, I can do this, _"making my way to the summit!" He sucked one hard nipple into his mouth as Edith squirmed under him. "An intrepid explorer, braving the heights to reach heaven!" He moved to the other nipple. Edith, while thinking that this was not at all what she had in mind, found that she didn't care. His mouth and hands were working wonders on her mountains, but it was another part of her that craved contact.

"But aren't the Himalayas cold?" she gasped. "Wouldn't my intrepid explorer rather go somewhere, ah, warmer? Further south?"

_Further south? What was south of the HImalayas?_ He nuzzled the space between her breasts to give himself time to think. Frantically recalling his geography, he ruled out India. Reminding her of Disraeli didn't seem at all erotic. He moved farther west. _Persia? Turkey? No, they were all rocks and sand and scorpions._ "Africa!" he cried triumphantly (_was that a giggle?) _as he moved down the Indian plains towards the African bush.

"Africa?"

"Africa," he said in between kisses. His tongue swirled her belly button before encountering the waistband of her skirt. He reached his hands behind her to attempt to undo the fastenings at her waist, but found himself thwarted, _"_damned border," he mumbled as he grasped the hem of her skirt and thrust it up to her thighs. Her beautiful legs were sheathed in creamy stockings held by garters which he swiftly moved to undo. "Your thighs are like the Nile." He nuzzled the inside of each, kissing the flawless skin. "So long and pristine." He slowly began to kiss his way up the Nile, as Edith moaned softly, hands tangled in his hair.

"But Egypt is so dry," she gasped, hips inching towards his mouth.

"Not at all, my sweet one. There are hidden oases of delights all over the continent." His mouth reached the silk of her bloomers and he reached up to slide them off her. "Yes, an oasis of delight." He kissed her oasis, before parting her and tasting the sweet nectar at her core. Edith gasped as his tongue found her delights, hands in his hair crushing him to her.

"Africa is full of surprises," he murmured, "one never knows quite what one will find. Diamonds for instance…" he nudged her open, "Diamond mining is particularly lucrative in Africa…" and latched onto her diamond. By this time, Edith was writhing beneath him. "Oh yes, Africa can be a violent place." He clamped his arm over her to keep her still.

"Anthony," Edith gasped.

"Yes, my dear?"

"You can stop talking now. I need you to focus on your mining."

Anthony looked up at her and grinned mischievously. "Oh no, I made a promise I intend to keep." He moved his mouth back to her core, mining her extensively for a few moments. "Now, what was I saying?" Edith whimpered as he stopped again. He replaced his mouth with his fingers, "Oh, yes, such a violent place is Africa." His fingers threatened to send her over the edge, when suddenly, inexplicably, he stopped.

"No!" Edith cried. "Why did you stop?" She opened her eyes and looked down at him.

"Ambush," he told her gravely.

"Ambush?" In her fog of desire she wasn't certain she had heard him clearly.

"Ambush." With a gleam in his eye, he pushed himself up and undid the fastenings of his trousers. "I shall have to use my spear to protect your diamond." He yanked his trousers down exposing the length of his spear.

"Oh, Anthony, your spear is, ah,…" frantically she struggled for the words to describe him (_turned the tables on you, didn't I?)_. "It's, well, it's quite long and thick, isn't it?"

He took his spear in hand and moved towards her. "Oh, yes, my darling girl, quite long and thick. And very hard." He thrust into her in one motion, burying it to the hilt. "It's made specifically to do battle for you," he brought his mouth down on her, hands on her peaks as his spear continued its thrusting.

"Edith," he gasped as he felt her tighten around him, "I fear I'm going to lose this battle."

"Try to carry on for just a little bit longer! It will all be over soon!" She wrapped her legs around him.

"Edith, oh Edith! I feel death approaching! I…" he gasped and thrust his spear more quickly, "I'm going to die!"

"Oh, Anthony, I am, too!" She shuddered against him as he felt him release inside her.

Breathing hard, Anthony collapsed on top of her. Edith, regaining her senses, stroked his back gently. "My darling, that was wonderful."

Anthony rolled onto his back amidst their tangle of clothing and drew her with him. "I had no idea. I must admit," he said once he regained his breath, "that talking dirty could be so," he paused, "fulfilling."

"Neither did I." She leaned up to kiss him. "But I do now understand the term, _La Petit Mort_, a bit better!"

"Ah yes, _the little death_." He gathered her into his arms. "It certainly was well illustrated today!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxx

Later that evening…

"How did you enjoy your day?" Lady Grantham asked Edith over dinner. "Did you get to see Sir Anthony's bullocks?"

Edith, blushing, glanced over at Sir Anthony. "Yes, I did, but we actually spent the day discussing mountain climbing, geography, and African diamond mining." From the corner of her eye, she saw Mary roll her eyes.

"Diamond mining?" interrupted Lord Grantham. "Do you have experience with African diamond mines, Sir Anthony?"

Anthony, coughed slightly, "Ah, yes, Lord Grantham, I have had the opportunity to delve into one or two of them."

"Really? It must be a dangerous undertaking."

"Oh, not so dangerous as scaling the Himalayas," Anthony replied, "But Africa is full of hidden dangers, as well as oases of delight."

"Sir Anthony is a man of many hidden talents," Edith remarked, looking pointedly at Mary.

"Undoubtedly," Mary said, rolling her eyes again. "I'm sure you find all that very interesting."

"Oh, I do," Edith replied, smiling smugly, "I most certainly do."


End file.
